God@Work

My story is how I grew up and discovered God in my life. It’s not a pretty story for many years. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done, but by the grace of God, my life had been transformed. Today I am a blessed man. Today I have a new life.

Born in South Camden, I attended Catholic services with my family every Sunday. As a young boy, I was diagnosed with Perthes disease, a rare childhood disorder that affects the hip. I was fitted with a full leg brace on one leg and a two and a half inch elevated shoe on the other foot. Periodically, my parents and I would travel to a Philadelphia church, hang the brace on a wall hook, and pray for healing. After two years, I was able to walk normally without a brace. At that time, I didn’t recognize this healing as being one of God’s miracles in my life.

Born in South Camden, I attended Catholic services with my family every Sunday. As a young boy, I was diagnosed with Perthes disease, a rare childhood disorder that affects the hip. I was fitted with a full leg brace on one leg and a two and a half inch elevated shoe on the other foot. Periodically, my parents and I would travel to a Philadelphia church, hang the brace on a wall hook, and pray for healing. After two years, I was able to walk normally without a brace. At that time, I didn’t recognize this healing as being one of God’s miracles in my life.

At church, I took Holy Communion every week and confessed my sins weekly to a priest. At school, I was able to play football, baseball, and run track. I sang doo wop with guys on the corner, and a few times we stole some goods from local stores, but we never got into serious trouble. Back at church, I became afraid of God’s punishment for bad behavior. I didn’t want to confess my sins; I didn’t want to be punished, so I drifted away from the church and from God.

At church, I took Holy Communion every week and confessed my sins weekly to a priest. At school, I was able to play football, baseball, and run track. I sang doo wop with guys on the corner, and a few times we stole some goods from local stores, but we never got into serious trouble. Back at church, I became afraid of God’s punishment for bad behavior. I didn’t want to confess my sins; I didn’t want to be punished, so I drifted away from the church and from God.

After my senior year in high school, I started working right away, having no desire for college, just wanting to make a living. I constantly worked and acquired the two things that made for a good life: a car and girlfriends. Yet without God, my life soon spiraled out of control, into alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, and confusion.

At the age of twenty, I was drinking, going to clubs, and I got three girls pregnant. I married the third gal, and we had a daughter, Danielle, but after two years of marriage with my quitting work, continuing to drink, and having an extra-marital affair, the marriage was over. After the divorce, I started using drugs and became addicted at the age of twenty-three. While I continued to hold down a job, I also began dealing drugs to pay for my habit and other expenses. I started blaming God for all the wrong things going on in my life.

“Thank you, Jesus, for making me  the man I am today. I am not the man I used to be. Praise God.”

My life continued its destructive cycle: living with one girl after another, having affairs, being thrown out — clothes packed in plastic bags left on the street, changed door locks where I used to live. I kept trying to fill the empty hole inside of me. When I finally rented my own apartment, the cops raided my place, busting me for drugs and impounding my drug-laden car. One Saturday, mid-afternoon, I fell asleep at the wheel of another car and smashed into the back end of a vehicle stopped at a red light. I had been high for several days. The car was totaled, but no one was injured. This, too, was a miracle of God’s grace.

The pattern of chaos intensified: cars and women, my behavior out of control. Fired from my job, my new car, a Datsun 280z, was repossessed. My girlfriend’s car was impounded because I illegally parked it. Due to my drugs and negligence, her apartment caught on fire, ruining all of her brand new furniture. After she threw me out, my sister Carole and then my sister Rita took me in, but in both cases, my drug-addled behavior resulted in their cars being destroyed or stolen. I was asked to leave their homes, with our relationships severely damaged. My life was hitting bottom.

Finally, into this mess, I met a young woman who challenged me to face my addictions. I began attending AA and NA meetings. While there, a friend I met named Tom shared God’s love and grace to me. At first, I was reluctant to pray. Why would God want to save me after all I had destroyed? But I knew I needed God. I got down on my knees, asking God to help me and to fill my life. God began to transform me a day at a time. The young woman and I married, and by the grace of God I became drug- and alcohol-free. But some of my old ways crept back in; my focus was not fully on God. My second marriage also ended up in divorce — my clothes packed in plastic bags and door locks changed once again. After a year of sobriety, I married my third wife. We had two boys and attended an Episcopal church in Moorestown. After quite a few years, we parted, but this time was different ― no clothes on the street. God guided both of us through our differences so we could put our sons first.

This is what God has done for me: He has healed my life in ways I never imagined could happen. He gave me the gift of sobriety and peace of mind. One of my children from the girls I got pregnant years ago wanted to find her birth father, which was me. When Bonnie turned 21, we met, and we have formed a blessed relationship. She, along with her husband and two children, now attend FAC. My daughter, Danielle, whom I abandoned after two years, has forgiven me, along with her mother, as I shared with them that I am no longer the man I used to be. Today, we form a strong bond, and through my two daughters, I am a grandfather six times. My two sons, Justin and Adam, have also made me a proud father. They have graduated from college; Justin in law school and Adam working as an account manager. What a miracle of God’s grace that I have a family! Thank you, Jesus.

Eleven years ago, I was invited by my brother-in-law Eric to attend a father and son barbeque at FAC. Justin and Adam were young at the time. Since that event, I have found my church home. I began attending the men’s breakfasts on Wednesday mornings. Through Band of Brothers, I formed relationships with men of Christ for the first time in my life. One Saturday while I was cycling, I met up with Phil Harden, at that time the chaplain at Fort Dix Prison and member of FAC. From that day, Phil has been my spiritual mentor. We began meeting on Friday mornings, and we still meet periodically. Phil was the pastor who baptized me at a Band of Brothers breakfast several years ago. The Holy Spirit continues to change me from the inside. And God answered my prayer to bring someone into my life to love. My present fiancé Carol knows I am not the man I used to be. This, too, is wonderful.

Today I am honored to be a head usher at FAC on Saturday nights. Using my God given talents, I have volunteered for the facility ministry and have recently been appointed the facilitator in the Conquering Chemical Dependence group, a Christ-centered 12-Step Program that meets every Wednesday evening in the Barn. I want to inspire and encourage other men who may have similar problems that I had to spare them some of the griefs and heartache I experienced. I also work full-time for an all Christian company. God has transformed my life in miraculous ways. I never felt worthy of God in my life at all. I know I am not worthy. It is God’s salvation and grace working in and through me. I am a blessed man. I still get on my knees every morning, thanking God for my new life and asking the Holy Spirit to move me in the direction He wants for me — not what I want, but what God wants for me.

Thank you, Jesus, for making me the man I am today. I am not the man I used to be. Praise God. •